Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Lebron Spoiling his Family with Front Row Seats

"But I mean, even my family gets spoiled at times watching me doing things that I do, on and off the court."
- Lebron James, GQ Magazine interview

Incredible stuff. If I were to defend his quote...I think Lebron wanted to say that he spoils EVERYONE with his incredible basketball abilities. His ability to shrug his way to a triple double. To drive with the speed of a guard half his size while crushing power forwards and centers with earth shaking force. To shoot, shake, and, *ahem*, crab dribble, his way to seemingly effortless buckets. What Lebron wanted to say was that everyone, even his family, are witnesses. He wanted to take the heat off his quote from late last season. I get it.

What I don't get is the "off the court" stuff. I don't think he's talking about buying homes and cars and better lives for his family and friends, because he specifically uses the verb "watching." What does he spoil them with? Watching him dance? He might be better than Wade and Bosh, but I don't think he's spoiling anyone with his dance moves. He's no Lilou or Hong 10.

His family is spoiled by watching him off the court. What things does he do? Perhaps he's just really good at picking up hot chicks. Maybe it's his looks. Lebron is so funny he spoils them with his jokes? At this point he's much more unintentionally funny with the things that spew from his mouth. He's ripe for a Tracy Morgan spoof on SNL (host it, please!)

I can see him in his mind's room taken physical form, slapping sticky mental notes to the walls. With each *smack* another name is added onto the list, Lebron yelling with the incredulous fury of a schoolyard bully who doesn't understand why teachers, parents, and other kids don't like him. "But I'm the biggest and baddest! I'm a global icon! Lebron James is just doing Lebron and Lebron needs to take his talents to South Beach!"

J.A. Adande of ESPN wrote about Lebron's mental notes and the not so thinly veiled threat they possessed: "What Jordan did do -- and would have done regardless of the era in which he played -- was make good on his threats and hold anyone accountable. Vengeance was his, time and time again. Now that LeBron decided to follow the Jordan route he needs to follow the journey to its natural end point. "

I doubt Mr. Adande truly believes Lebron has it in him. For Lebron, the journey he is taking now isn't natural to him. Jordan was a CCC (Cold Calculated Ciller...errr) since youth. He'd make a list slowly, methodically, and then never, EVER let that name back on his good side again. Lebron is hurt, and vengeful, whereas Jordan has venom running through his veins. I'm not even sure if Jordan had a "good" side in the sense we think is normal. A conversation for another time, but I think the comparisons between the two men really need to stop. Pissed off, feelings-hurt super kid versus wrathful natural assassin. It's like a bull with its balls tied up compared to a...certain kind of snake...hmmm.

On another note Lebron James actually hates Clevelanders, well, a lot of them. ("There's a lot of people in Cleveland we still hate to this day.") Since he "understood a lot of people would be hurt" with his t.v. Decision spectacle, the above quote only affirms his intentions to get back at those he and his crew couldn't stand. Maybe I'm reaching on this one.

The backlash against Gilbert and its coupling with yet another third-person referral ("I don't think he ever cared about Lebron") is understandable. Gilbert deserves James's ire and is waiting for it, while James referring to himself in the third person is OK because that's just what he does. As long as he stops calling himself "King" James. Because a king he is not. He is a duke, riding in with armor and lance to the services of South Beach royalty. He will lend his terrifying blend of speed and brute force to the leader of that team, Dwyane Wade. But just having the most overwhelming blend of talent and physical gifts does not a king make. Nor does a wellspring of hate. MJ may have been the only one true king of the NBA. The closest guy to that moniker in the NBA right now is Kobe Bryant, who's nickname just so happens to be "The Black Mamba".

All hail (insert: revile) Duke James. Being spoiled by watching him no longer refers to the amazing show he puts on, but rather getting caught in the odorous reek of his aura.

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